Tag Archives: Anxiety

Increasing my sanity. How is it going?

I have noticed a shift in the amount of panic attacks that I have been having. 23 Days ago, I started to use social media a lot less. This was a result of some scary situations and some mental health issues. I needed to do something to stop my depression and anxiety. To that end, I cut social media usage by a lot.

I did a little research and I found out that others have found that lessening social media use can help with depression. Science Daily published an article that backs up my findings.

I have reported to myself for the past 23 days to check the amount of panic attacks, anxiety spikes, depression spikes, or paranoia. The findings that I had were positive for me. It is sufficient to say that everything has dropped by at least 50 percent.

There are a couple reasons why I decided to do this exercise. The end of the year at college was brutal on me. I had to drop my math class due to medical reasons and I was depressed at an alarming level. At that time, and only at that time, I did not feel safe. I want everyone reading this to know that I am safe now, and I am doing well these past three weeks. Besides that, I was getting weary of social anxiety and I was always anxious. Even in my own room at college. I did not feel safe there, in the classroom or even the Snapper Office.

Fear, Anger, self-hatred

20240559-broken-mind

To be blunt, I was keeping people deceived about my well-being. I want to apologize for that. The situation was dire, and I was in a bad place mentally. I was suicidal. The fact that I have revealed this to you all means I trust my readers. I trust you to understand and be accepting. You have all been supportive of me and my endeavors and I want you all to know I appreciate it.

To that end I want to extend an invitation to my readers. What do you do concerning your social media habits? I would be interested to see what others on the autistic spectrum experience. How much do you use it and why do you use it?

Concerning myself, social media had a huge impact on my sanity. As some of you know from a previous post, I was having a lot of trouble with social media. It led me to become obsessed with something. My fear of that happening again is what encouraged me to act on the amount that I used it. The amount of social media I consumed made me have misconceptions about the world and myself. Social media, for the most part, is the best of people. The highlight reel, if you will.

Think about it for a second. Do people post pictures of themselves when they are at their lowest? I would not think so, yet it may be now. What do you guys think? Do people use social media as an outlet more now, or is it a place to put just your success? It is both, and it is going to continue to be both. I posted to my Facebook and Instagram a lot in the time before I caught myself.

What was the impact on me?

I became distant to the real world to a degree. I took to social media and the news whenever I could. The need for information is what drove me. Whether it be over the obsession or something else, I was on my phone at least five times an hour. I have dropped that to twice or less an hour in gradual phases throughout the past few weeks.

With my experiment that I mentioned above, I dropped everything that was bad mentally by a significant margin. That left an impact on me. This impact enabled me to stop becoming obsessed and to become happy once again. This is not enough though. I need to do more and I am coming up with ideas on what I should do to do better.

I have a few ideas that I want to bounce off you guys. Most of these ideas I got from the website Lifehack. One idea that I really like and I am going to start to incorporate in deleting my social media apps off my phone. This will give me time to have social media on the computer and only the computer. Starting off slow is probably the best idea. So, I will delete Instagram first, then Facebook, then the rest of them.

Some Final Thoughts

Social media can be a great tool to use, but its overuse can be detrimental. I think it was damaging to me, and I want to try to reverse the effects of the fallout from social media addiction. I know that may be too strong of a word, but I need to impress upon myself that I need to do better. When I started this blog, I promised I would be transparent, and I failed that promise. I will do better. One thing at a time.

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Autism at work, what impact is it having?

As some of you may know, I recently started an internship at Mental Health America of Lancaster County (MHA). I am enjoying my time there, and I am learning a lot. Being autistic really has not been an issue at all while I have been there. I enjoy being there and I enjoy what I am doing there.

I am contributing to their blog and their social media, and it feels great to know that I have a wider audience now than ever before. I advertised this blog in my first post at MHA, and I have seen an increase in traffic. So, I would like to thank my new readers for coming aboard!

At MHA I have done blog posts pertaining to autism. I have done a series called, “Autism, the points you need to know.” If you would like to check those out the website is here. I think I have been doing well so far. One thing that I have noticed though is that I have not jumped the hurdle of inter-office communication with my superiors.

Issues at the Internship? No, not really.

I freeze sometimes when I run into a problem that I need help with. Just sitting at my desk and make it look like I am working is what I have been going with so far. I am afraid to approach anyone about this and I do not know what to do. It has not caused anything huge, but I am afraid that it will.

I found an article on Joyable that is helping. It states that I have freeze anxiety from what I read. It is right in that regard, and I am glad to have a definition to attach to my anxiety. I have so many types of anxiety that they need categorized. If they are not, it gets to me. This is for an unknown reason mind you. My anxiety is odd to say the least.

Final Thoughts

This internship has helped me a lot though. The biggest way is that it has given me a clear purpose. Something tangible that I can cling to and develop. The brain above is what I believe my brain was like before. All symbolic of course, but I needed to be nurtured a lot. With this internship, my sense of independence is a lot higher. I take the bus to get to the internship. I am proud of the fact. The internship has had one thing, the freeze anxiety, and that is it. It is going well and I anticipate it going well throughout the summer. Thanks for reading and I will keep you guys updated!

 

What is good about having Autism?

There are quite a few symptoms that go with being autistic. Such as having a obsession or sticking to a routine that you cannot break. Such as my undying love for Star Wars. If you would like to know a little bit more about the symptoms, I did another blog post for my internship that goes over it at length. Here is the link. I am not talking about those symptoms today though. I am talking about the good things that we are able to do while being autistic.

Autism pushes us to become better

As a member of the autism community I have learned quite a bit. I have met some amazing people who are also on the spectrum. Noting and reading all these success stories makes me happy. Once someone on the spectrum breaks free of the social anxiety confines, we are able to do so much more.
Take what I did last April during the Spring 2017 session. I got the school to light it up blue for autism awareness. It took a lot of courage on my part to even want to talk to the people who could help me. I had a lot of help as well. Members of the school participated in helping me. It is great knowing that there is a road towards acceptance and understanding that the world is traveling.
Another great thing that happened is that there is a website called Asperger’s Experts. It was created by people with autism to help others with autism. The website goes about treatment for autism in a social model rather than a medical model. What they say makes a lot of sense to me and I encourage all you on the spectrum to check them out.

Life without autism

I know that my life would be different at this point if I did not have autism. I would have graduated by now and I would also have a full time job. I could drive without any fear and I could do what I wanted to, when I wanted to. Am I upset that I have autism? No. It is a lot more complex than that though.
I am glad that I have been able to cope with having autism. It is good that I can label it and learn stuff about autism. A bad thing though, is that I had to deal with being autistic my whole life.

Wait, you like having autism!?

I get asked that sometimes and my answer always remains the same. It is better than being dead. I can deal with autism, I cannot deal with death. Autism is not the worst thing that can happen to you. That being said, I hate having autism. Although I am not upset about having it, I still hate the fact that I have it. The hand I was dealt has been tough, do not doubt that, but at the same time, I have dealt with having autism. Like I said above, I have done some amazing things for advocacy this past semester at school.

Advocacy? How can you do that? Simple, I broke free

With my advocacy projects, I am always trying to improve myself. The only way I can do that is by divulging that I have autism. It is not something to be ashamed of. People who have autism are born that way. There is nothing a person can do to stop autism. I believe that to my core. What a person can do is learn how to cope with being autistic. It is hard, but I believe in you. For those who do not have autism, but are related or a friend of someone who does, read these next words and take them to heart. You can help a lot, and you are one of the reasons that your relative or friend have been able to break out of their shells.
When I broke free of my social anxiety shell it was because of friends and family. Also a general curiosity from others wanting to know more about me. I never talked in high school but a few times. This garnered interest in the big guy, that being me, and people wanted to know what I was about. I felt the curiosity a lot. When I broke out of the shell, the world was a different place for me. I was still shy and scared to talk most of the time, but I made some great friends in my senior year of high school that I am still good friends with today.

Some final thoughts

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who read this. It means a lot to me. It makes me feel worthwhile and that I matter. My thoughts count for a lot when it comes to autism. I think that with some more help I will be able to do more with advocacy and bring acceptance worldwide for autism. Autism is not a disorder, it is merely an obstacle and one I plan on taking down. Again, thanks for reading and I will catch you guys another time.

With great anxiety, comes great opportunity

When anxious there are a lot of things that could be causing it. It could be social situations. social situations or social situations. It could be a lack of sleep
All kidding aside, I have an anxiety disorder that inhibits me a lot. At least it appeared that way.
Spider man
Even Spiderman gets anxiety.
Almost every time I experience anxiety there is something gained from it. This may sound confusing, but what I mean by this is that I am anxious because I took an opportunity. An opportunity that is making me anxious. An example is the interview for my internship. I was anxious during the entire interview, but I got the internship. That means that, in my eyes, I can use my anxiety as something positive.
The way I plan on doing this is by being mindful. Being mindful has always been a cornerstone for me anyway, but I want to apply it in a different way now. When I get anxious I cannot think straight. What if, I note when I start to get anxious and use that knowledge to become hyper aware? I do this to an extent already for my panic attacks, but it needs to extend to my anxiety as well.
Coping with my panic attacks has given me a lot of insight. With my panic attacks I have become fluent in detecting them and dealing with them as they happen. Why can I not apply that to general anxiety? The answer is simple, I can and I should.
My anxiety has been a constant issue for me as of late and I am hoping this new technique will help relieve some of it. It is hard to function at a correct level when you are anxious a good deal of the time. Anxiety can be debilitating and scary, but believe me, you can get through it. I do, I do not do so in an efficient manner though.
With using a new technique it can always go well, or it can go bad. I am going to use the techniques that I developed with panic attacks, but with general anxiety. I am going to try this out for a week or so. Then I will post about it again. Here’s to hoping it works!
For another post I am wanting to do a experiment. I am going to do a bunch of anxiety worksheets, but I want to know what you guys think I should do. I am linking the website that I found the worksheets.
I would like some feedback on some of the worksheets. Do them for yourself, or give them to someone you know. Thanks for reading!

Dungeons and Dragons, the game that broke my shell

I remember back to the first day I played Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) with great fondness. It was at a game shop called War and Pieces. I loved that place and miss it greatly. 

The character I made was a human variant cleric. For those of you who do not know what that is, comment if you want more info. I named him Paxis. The name I use for everything. Eventually his gender was changed by a spell and I became Paxis. I decided it was a unisex name. Anyway, the reason I am bringing this up is because of the social anxiety that I had to break to play DnD. 

It is a interactive game where you have to talk, and explain what you want to do. I started when I was 20, I think, and I have become good at it. I have even become an left field Dungeon Master (DM). My DM style is weird and a lot of people seem to enjoy it. The point here is that I became confident with my interactive skills,and decided to run campaigns. Not just participate, but be the driving force of the story. 

It feels great when I am playing DnD because I feel a kinship with the players and my peers. I want to do a lot with DnD, maybe DM at conferences, and all kinds of other things. I love DnD and I do not plan on stopping anytime soon.