Why am I so worried?

Obi-wan may have been sarcastic in the gif that I used above, but I am doing a good job, yet I have been having doubts as of late about myself and it is affecting my daily life in unproductive ways. I am always worried that I am failing at something. It does not have to…

A place that should not feel comfortable, yet it did

I just left New York City. I have been there since Wednesday. I was there because I was attending a conference for journalism. I was quite content there, much to my surprise. Cities are usually a place I do not feel very comfortable in. All the people and all of the sensory things. I was…

Ashamed of my own thoughts?

When it comes to sharing my thoughts on mental illness I am not usually one to falter in expressing myself. I have always thought of myself as an advocate for those who have a mental illness. Lately, I feel like I am failing at being an advocate for myself. I have come to terms with…

Regret? No, not really

I decided something today after yesterday’s rant. It has nothing to do with the rant, just consider that a shameless self-plug. What I decided is that I am going to be honest with myself. I lie to myself a lot, and that is not a good habit to have. The one that comes to mind…

Anxiety that does not matter, stuff that does matter

Had an unusual thing happen today. I had a panic attack. Now, some of you are confused, but let me explain. I had a panic attack and it did not matter. Calling it a panic attack is an overstatement in every sense of the word. It was an anxiety spike. What did I do to…

Anxiety over the small things

I had my first panic attack in two months this morning. It felt alien to me and I have to say that I enjoyed the feeling being abnormal. What I mean by this is that I have had points in my life where panic attacks were a daily thing. Admittedly, today’s panic attack was hard…

Back at School, Stress gets renewed

Being back at school has brought with it a sense of accomplishment and a sense of dread. The feeling of accomplishment is the fact that I am able to even go to school. That makes me happy. The sense of dread comes from the fact that I have no job currently. I am afraid that I will…

Conflict amidst the calm

My life is going great right now. It really is. I’m in a new house, I passed my course for the fall semester, I am, by all rights happy. Yet, there is something in the back of my mind that is bothering me and most of the time, I do not think of it. I…

I would be lonely in a crowded room and everywhere else

It is hard to articulate my feelings right now. It would be simple to say lonley, but I am not. It is a feeling of dread for being in a room of people and feeling alone in that room. They are family, but I am plagued by a feeling of not belonging. This seems to…

Looks like I am dropping a class

Well, that BIO test I took sucked, grade-wise at least. I got a 56 percent. I studied a lot for this one too. I got tutors, walk in tutoring and all kinds of other things. What I think is the cause of this is not only my incompetence in science, but the size of the…

Update on the test

Well, I took the test. I think I did well on the test too. I was freaked out throughout and it distracted me, but I got through it pretty well. It was a big confidence booster to me that I was able to feel like I did well on a test that had over 60…

Taking a test

Test taking and I share a history of struggle. I am good at taking tests, but I get freaked out when I take them. I am currently 10 minutes from taking a BIO test I am prepared for and that I studied vigorously for. I am terrified right now, but I know I can do…