With my last post, I mentioned I might start blogging again. I have decided to do just that and I will start in earnest on Monday, October 30th. Why wait? I need to clean some stuff up in my head to get into a spot where I am once again comfortable sharing with the internet.
I have been in an awkward place these past couple months and I thank you all for your patience with me. Being back in a place where my confidence back feels great and I feel like I need to share what I went through with you guys so you can avoid my mistakes. I have made plenty and I want to let those who go to college know that it is alright to make mistakes. What matters is how we rebound from those mistakes.
I think I have rebounded well and I will start this restorative cycle with my blogging. I look forward to sharing with all of you. Thank you all for the support.
Hello friends! I realize it has been a while since I have last posted on this site. There are quite a few factors that can explain this. The main one is this: life.
With college back in full swing, I took on a lot of responsibilities and I took a lot more than I initially expected. This is not a bad thing, however, and I am happy that I figured out how much is too much in a healthy way.
To list everything I was doing would be a waste of time due to the fact that I am not focused on some of it anymore and I am a lot more focused on other things. What would be good to note is that I need to work on the whole focus thing. While managing all of the things that I do, I lose track of other things. Such as school work and homework. Basically, there are two things at the top right now. The number one thing being class.
I think that this should be an obvious one. The second big thing is my internship at Lancaster Newspaper. Through a program here at Millersville, I got an internship with LNP and, to be honest, I love my job. The third priority is the Snapper. I am still opinion editor of the Snapper at this point, but I have intentions of moving up the chain of command sometime in the future.
Life is going by fast and I wanted to take a moment and type this up so I could look at everything with some perspective. Some positive self-affirmation if you will. There has been one hiccup this semester so far and I am happy with just having one. It has been three months since I have started back at Millersville and I am pleased with my progress.
So, with that, I will bid you farewell for now. I plan on using the blog as an outlet again this semester and I think that my readers will be reading a lot more positive stories in the future instead of the crisis mode stories you guys may be used to. Thanks for reading!
I am back at Millersville University as of last Saturday. Which would have been August, 26th. So far, I am doing well. Becoming acclimated to everything has proven to be easy for me this time around. I think this is due in part to a familiarity that I have with the system now.
Continue reading College, week one of being back
I am starting, or should I say, begun a class at Millersville on Monday! It is called Digital Media Writing. Which, in my mind, is all about blogging. So far the class is going really well and the texts that we have are very good. I am really excited for the class.
The big reason for this is because I want to make this blog so much better. I want to focus in on what I want to cover and I want to get your guys help with that. What do you think I have been covering the best? If I had to pick, it would be autism related posts. A case could be made for the self help ones though. Both are really strong subjects that I cover.
If I were to just focus on one, which would you guys like to see? Or do you think that a two pronged approach is better? I am gravitating towards two pronged at the moment. If I go two pronged I can continue to use the blog as a outlet and a informational self help blog at the same time.
I would also like some feedback on the blog as a whole if some of you have some free time. I would like to use some more images, but I think that, sometimes, they draw away from what I am trying to say. In some situations they probably would really help out. Do you guys want to see more images? Or would you prefer me to keep it the same as I have?
Please give me some insights and advice on how I can do better. It would not go to waste, I plan on continuing this blog for a long time, and I want to foster a community to help me out. Thanks for reading!
I am not in college for five days. I start back up on May 15th. I am looking forward to my class very much. It’s digital media theory, which if you think about it is exactly what I am doing right now. This is digital media. I am going to learn how to talk to you guys better I hope.
That’s five days from now though. What I want to revel in is that I have been successful in finishing this semester. I have had a lot of ups and downs. That is not an understatement at all either. I have been so close to the edge this semester. I almost fell off too. I was very close to saying I needed crisis prevention. This is not a bad thing though, don’t get me wrong. Asking for help is not a bad thing at all.
I almost dropped out completely. I finished the semester with one class left. I withdrew from Typography II and Math. I had to medically withdraw from Math. This was due entirely to all the stress that it was causing. It was a tough time. I just do not get math.
I went to New York City though and got through that. It was terrifying, but I had a lot of fun. I had a great group that I went with. It was a conference for student newspapers. It was awesome and very informative, but like I said, terrifying.
I raised autism awareness in the month of April too. I got my School to light it up blue. Which was great. I learned a lot about Asperger’s and autism this year too. I still am going to differentiate the two. I think all forms of autism should be looked at closer, but that rant is for another post.
I learned my political and moral identity this year. It was a huge step in my quest to define myself. Which does not include autism I found out. It is just something that I live with. It is just something that I have to get through everyday.
I started blogging in earnest this year too. I have become invested in this blog and I am proud of myself for being able to open up to so many people. I know my story can help and I want to continue to help others.
I think that, all in all, this semester had been very successful. I am looking forward to the summer though. My internship and classes await!
Recently, I have been under a lot of stress. I have been experiencing a panic attack a day practically, and I have been depressed. I have had a lot of anxiety and I have been feeling lonely. All of these things have been feeding on each other and it is hard for me to even want to go to class as a result.
The thing that I have done this week to overcome all of this is a technique that I was taught recently that really works.
The technique is as follows. I was told that physical symptoms from panic attacks last around 90 seconds. That is the essence of the technique. Get past that 90 second mark. I am happy to say this one works for me, but I caution the reliance on it. It is very tiring. What I do is I focus on my breathing. I focus on where the air is in my body. It is a technique ingrained in mindfulness. That is why the technique works so well for me. I am, as a result of living with panic for 10 years, a master at recognizing my own symptoms.
Panic attacks have these symptoms for me:
- Shortness of breath
- Chest Tightens
- Extreme fear
- Racing Thoughts
- Sensory Intake increase
When I feel these things happening, I know a panic attack is not far behind. The thing that bothers me about my panic attacks nowadays is that they have adapted to happen at inopportune times, like I stated above. Usually right before any of my classes, but especially math and Typography. I get absolutely terrified that something completely illogical is going to happen. One time, just to illustrate the point, I thought the world was going to end. (Political climate notwithstanding) Another time, I was convinced that asteroids were on their way to surgically strike the planet to herald an alien invasion. Just to name a few of the completely illogical and unwarranted fears that I have when I have panic attacks. I know that they are not going to happen. It is far more likely that I am just having a panic attack and I am overreacting to my racing thoughts.
That is something else I want to cover in this post. I want feedback on this as well. I have panic attacks daily and I have grown so used to to them that I think I take them for granted and I dismiss the severity of having a panic disorder. Do others experience panic attacks to the rate that I do? I really want to know so we can compare notes and figure out why mine are so frequent. I think I know the answer, and it is in part because I am autistic, part because of my social phobia. It makes logical sense, but there are holes in the theory.
For instance, I have them even when I am not in a large crowd or semi large group of people. I have them when I am alone. I have them randomly and I have them triggered. I am just wondering what others feel and what the rate is.
Thanks so much for reading! Please leave me comments! I want to hear from you guys!
Today was tough and brutal on me. Brutal is a good thing though for me though, so, why was it tough? Exacto-knives are why. I used one today successfully! Uncut and panicky, I made it through cutting my book out for my typography class. My heart was beating and I was shaky really hard at the end, but my focus was, excuse the pun, razor sharp. I was not shaking as I used the blade itself. Which is really good if you think about it!
I think it should be mentioned that my Professor is the All-Star in this scenario, by the way. Professor Mata has been very understanding of my needs and I am eternally grateful
Here is the picture of the finished product for the cutting phase.
Sorry for the bad quality, my phone camera is not the greatest, but I think that I did a pretty good job. Like I said I was shaking for about ten minutes after the fact so it is clear that I still have issues holding sharp blades, but that will be talked about another time in another post. I don’t know how I feel with being open about my past on here. It probably doesn’t matter, but I have to get through this semester before I think about that.
Hopefully I can post more over the long weekend. I am really behind on the mental health stuff, but I can and will catch up!
Thanks for reading!