The title may sound odd, but let me explain. I am an anxious guy and if you have only read one post on here you probably know that. What am I getting at? I think I an anxious on purpose.
This is just a theory, but I think I act anxious because of the responses I get. As someone with autism, I find this perplexing. I usually do not want attention. I avoid it outright. I have a panic attack though and I tell someosomeone and I get a little interaction with some one. I am not saying this is a bad thing, but what I am saying is that in my own way I crave attention.
People know me as being anxious a lot of the time and I feel anxious a lot of the time. I just think it odd that I get the most attention when I am scared or anxious.
Think about it for a second. I post something on Facebook that I am having a panic attack or something of that nature and I get a response. I Think that society has become nurturing for the most part and my subconscious is tapping into that by giving panic attacks.
This is not right. I do not think that I should use mental health as a way to get attention. Accidental or otherwise. I do my best to contain my panic, but I continue to have a lot of panic attacks. I do not like having them at all.
What are your guys thoughts on this? Is this even plausible? Especially from other people who suffer from panic, anxiety, or are autistic. I want to know how you guys deal with it.
Thanks for reading
Writing is one of my best outlets for anxiety and depression. I have wrote about it so much for the school paper, for this blog, and in my personal stuff. I don’t know what to write about anymore though. I guess I could turn the page into an activist page for autism, but the scope, I believe, is too narrow. I want to include all people with disabilities if I were to do that.
I don’t want to write exclusively about Star Wars either. I love Star Wars, but that doesn’t help you, the reader. I want to help people, as I have said in many posts. I just do not know what else I can do at the moment.
I guess I could let you all know my numbers for the day. What I mean by that is making a scale of my various emotions. I think that if I examine each with you guys, I could gain some insight as to why I feel the way I feel.
Lets start with the usual ones for me. Those being depression, anxiety, and fear. My depression would be a 2/10 right now. My anxiety is 7/10 and I am not experiencing any fear at the moment. What I am experiencing right now is a weight on my shoulders I cannot seem to shrug off.
With this weight I have become tired and I doze off a lot lately. I am dozing off just trying to write this. Its nine in the morning, and I feel like going back to bed. I do not know if I am comfortable letting you guys know what this weight is. I know if I said anything it would hurt those involved and I do not want that to ever happen.
I just finished re-reading this post before I published it and I apologize for the rambling. It was therapeutic for me though. Now I am going to go start my day and hope for the best.
I initially wanted to create games. Then I wanted to write novels. Now, I am a journalist and I am happy I made this decision.
I want to help people, and the only way that I can do that is by writing. I cannot talk to people the way I want to, but I can write well. I started by just writing reviews or layout, but then I figured out what being an advocate means. I took it to heart and started writing about autism.
I kept writing about autism too. Then I started branching out to mental health in general. I started to examine myself and look at the world critically. Mainly when people with disabilities are concerned.
I advocate through words and promote through acceptance. I got my School to light it up blue! I needed a lot of assistance with that and I want to thank those who made it possible.
That is for another time though. Back to journalism for us.
Journalism is more than just writing for me. It is an outlet. I am fortunate to be Opinion editor for my schools newspaper, and with that influence I promote acceptance and awareness for many things.
I feel that taking the title of journalist I have opened myself up to the public and I do not mind. I am not going to say I do not have anything to hide, I do, but I want to be transparent with my audience.
In light of that I am going to put up some hard stuff soon. It will be hard to type, but I think I can do it.
Thanks to those who read my stuff. Your support is appreciated.