I would be lonely in a crowded room and everywhere else

It is hard to articulate my feelings right now. It would be simple to say lonley, but I am not.

It is a feeling of dread for being in a room of people and feeling alone in that room. They are family, but I am plagued by a feeling of not belonging. This seems to happen with all my circles as of late too.

I want a sense of community and when I am out with people, I would think I would get that feeling. That is not the case though. I feel stranded in my own mind. I do not know what my problem is and it is getting annoying to be honest.

I think that the problem is that I want acceptance. The problem with that is I have acceptance from all my groups of friends. I just don’t feel like I do. I feel uncomfortable most time, but on a bright side I am able to mask that very well.

That probably is not a bright spot though. I am wondering, constantly, what is wrong with me and I feel like I should reframe the question.

“What can I do to feel better?”

I think if I was able to answer that every day I would be happier. I know what I need to do theory wise, but application is where I struggle. Wanting to go to a party versus going to a party. That is hypothetical by the way, I hate parties.

I need to work on applying theory, I just get scared to do so. There is one subject though that I should take a cue from on other aspects of my life.

That being Star Wars. I am able to do just about anything if Star Wars is involved. I have done some pretty uncharacteristic things when Star Wars is involved. I just need to apply that skill to other things.

Thanks for reading!

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