Here is the deal, as of the writing of this piece, I am awake and anxious. I am anxious because I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I am terrified that I will not be able to make it. Right now, it is 11 pm and my appointment is at nine am tomorrow morning.
I am making myself sick with my anxiety, and I know it is not healthy at all. That is the problem with anxiety. It screws up your plans. At least this is my experience. Anticipation anxiety is especially bad for me. The reason for this is because I overthink everything. I want to know all variables and have control over all of these variables. That is not possible though and it causes me a great deal of anxiety.
It is getting to a point where I am becoming tired of my anxiety. I wish I did not have to go through all of this anxiety. What really bothers me is that I can get through it, but it takes up too much time. In this case, I will wake up at 6 am tomorrow, and I will have to get through my anticipation anxiety to even be able to get to the 7:45 am bus.
It is debilitating to say the least, but I have come to the realization that I will not be making this appointment. I feel better because the anxiety is gone, but I am mad because my anxiety is dictating my life. It is influencing my decisions and how I act. I do everything that I need to do to try to fend off my anxiety. I go to therapy, I have counseling, I take my medications, and I use positive self-affirmation. That being said, I want to be free of this anxiety.
I am going to keep this one short mainly because I am upset with myself, but I will bounce back. I just need to work on it. Thank you for reading.