Contemplations

Well, today has been interesting so far. I have come to the realization that I have a lot harder time expressing myself verbally than I do through writing. I guess this should have been obvious. I am autistic after all, and my strength is language.Just not speaking the language, instead writing the language. I take pride in my writing skill and I like to think I will get my ideas fleshed out enough to finally finish my book, SouLess. I have been working off and on with SouLess for about 10 years and I haven’t touched it since I got to Millersville for college.

That saddens me actually. I loved writing about what happened to Lucius, the main character, in the book. I had about 800 pages done, but I wanted it to be perfect so I never sent it anywhere. I always hesitated because of the fear of rejection from the publishing companies.

That is a thing that actually gets to me too. The whole concept of self publishing. I understand if the book is free, but I do not understand wanting your name on something when it has bad grammar or wasn’t even proofed. I guess I am of the old ways when it comes to that. I want to write the book and then send it in to a publishing house and hope for the best. I know my writing is spectacular when it comes to creative stuff so I have no doubt I would eventually get a deal.

It just has not lined up with career choices I have made. I want to be a journalist. That is my passion right now. Non-fiction, and if I would have told myself that ten years ago I would have laughed. I used to hate writing non-fiction, articles, or academic papers. They were always so boring and sometime laughably easy. Five pages is never enough for me. I need at least 20. I love writing and I want to continue writing for the rest of my life. It is my talent and I think I will continue to nourish that talent. The sky is the limit for me!

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