I like to believe that there is good, or at least a shred of it, in everyone. I have a outlook on life that gives the benefit of the doubt, but I have found myself increasingly unable to be the neutral party. My demeanor before now was that of being able to easily see both sides of a argument and make arguments based upon logical thinking.
Now, however, as information becomes more and more readily available I find myself in a place of turmoil. I like to believe that I have exposed myself to all viewpoints equally, but if I am honest with myself, I know that it is not true. I have gone down the path of the the so called “bleeding heart,” and I have been told that this is a bad thing. That I need to care about myself first and foremost and then some. I am afraid I cannot do that though. I love other people, in a general sense, and I want to help them all.
With this desire to help, I have come to the realization that not all people want help. They might not even need help, but my warped view of the world has given me the ability to find problems. I need to find problems and I seek them out, even if they do not exist. Which seems to be a problem for more than just me. The problem with others, not all others, is that their is a agenda attached to wanting to help. Helping for the sake of helping and seeing happiness blossom from our efforts seems to be gone.
Strings come attached to everything that you do. It is a sad realization that I have come to and I am loath to even write it. I am guilty of this as well. I used to have noble aspirations and I wanted to help just so I could say I made a difference.
Now? “Is there a paycheck?” It sounds like I am being thoughtful about the future, and that may be, but the urge to just help is gone and that troubles me greatly.
I think that it is a fundamental problem that needs to be addressed at the root of the start of the problem. Where is that start? Probably the media and politics. I hate the later, but I feel that I need to amend myself and find a way to make both more approachble and not so corrupt. I can do that as a journalist and that is my aspirations as a journalist. I want the trust to be won back from the public. I don’t want a hidden agenda behind a closed curtain. All I want is to help and I want to begin now.