New Years is supposed to be a holiday for celebrating. At least that is what I have always been told. For me, however, it is always a time of great depression. Always has been. I am afraid to ask if I can join my friends in their festivities. Not because I don’t think I will be invited, but because I know I dampen parties. I just sort of sit in a chair for the entire thing and feel like I should leave. Not to anyones fault, but to my own. I am so insecure about being happy I sabotage myself. I wish it wasn’t like this, but it seems to be getting worse. I hate the new year because I feel alone anywhere that I would go. Even where I live. I love my family, but I hate being alone and I feel like that here. Especially on New Year’s. I just want someone to talk to who feels this way too.
It would be cool, I think, if I could find some other high functioning people on the spectrum to compare notes to. I would like to see how some others deal with these feelings. I really want to know.
Thanks for reading.