I have trouble expressing myself. I am the first to admit this, but the struggles I face externally seem small when I compare them to that of my greatest adversary: myself. I am the reason my anxiety is so high. I have come to accept this and I accept it knowing I can change it. That change will come in time though, not instantaneous or even in a few years.
Internally, my mind is always racing, always trying to figure out what needs to be done in the most efficient way possible, and always trying, and usually failing, to interpret other people’s body language and speech. It is hard, to say the least. This is just a fraction of what is going on. I am constantly at mach speed when it comes to thinking.
With all of this thinking I have discovered something. I have discovered myself. My true identity to its core. I know who I am and what I am and how I am. This sense of clarity really has helped me these past few weeks here at Millersville.
The way I came upon this clarity was very simple. I let my mind go to a healthy thinking environment. I always ground myself, constantly, and I haven’t let my creative side show in a long time. When I let my creative side out last Sunday, there was a profound change in how I felt I needed to approach things.
Creativity is how I vent, how I express myself and how I truly relax. It seems like such a small thing. Letting yourself be yourself, but for me it was a difficult transition. As a result of all of this creativity I have wrote over 50 pieces of poetry and three short stories. I even tried drawing. That was a disaster to say the least.
Regardless of the why of it, my creativity is back and I hope I can use these skills I have regained to be healthier in the mind. I miss when I could just write a 10 page short story and it really be good. I lost this skill, but now it is back and I hope for my work to be better than ever. I will be posting some of my stuff on here, if your interested.