I’m diagnosed with chronic depression, so I am going to get depressed from time to time. I completely accept that. I am also a student at Millersville University right now, and that is a great thing for me. The problem, however, is that with the exception of my family and maybe three other people, I feel completely isolated and when I get depressed it is always so hard to get out.
The good thing is that I have found some people willing to listen to me and offer advice and to those people I am eternally grateful, but then there is the rest of the schools population. They don’t seem to care and I do not blame them for that. I want to make that perfectly clear. I do not blame anyone for my depression but myself. I let myself get like this. I know the signs but I ignore them and it’s my own fault that I am like this. At least the depression.
I need to be outside more, I need to interact with people more, and I just need to smile more. It’s tough to admit all of this, but blogging has proven to be a powerful coping skill in itself. I am writing, but also sharing. I feel like my posts help others and I want others to know about my blog so it can help more people.
I write for my survival, I guess, because if I didn’t write it I would bottle it up. When the bottle erupts I usually end up back at the hospital. I am proud to say it has been seven years, I think, since I was in-patient.
Regardless of that, I think the experiment I just did on myself helped a lot. I vented and let the words flow. I didn’t care about grammar and form, but the message and I feel as if the weight of today’s depression is gone. This wasn’t meant to be a happy ending post, per my original intent. I just wanted to talk without fear.
That is what depression does, it takes your voice. Don’t let it take your voice. Even when your experiencing it let your voice be heard. Please share this message with everyone you know. Let them know how you feel and be free of your depression. For the time being anyway. We can make our aspirations high, but we must not falter when they are not achieved.
Thank you so much for reading!